I would just like to take a minute to provide a disclaimer….this one’s not for the faint of heart.

I have been “researching” (this means asking about 5 people), and it seems that there are a ridiculous amount of terms for a vagina, and frankly, my Girl is upset about most of them. Here are my findings, in no specific order:

1. Vagina

2. The Girl

3. Va-J-J

4. Bug

5. Roast Beef Curtains

6. Tuna Wookie (personal nod to Kristen for this one!)

7. Hatchet Wound (thanks to The Boy)

8. Vertical Smile

9. Pussy

10. Beaver

11. Box

12. Nether Regions

13. Carpet

14. Bearded Clam

15. Puntang

16. Punanni

17. The “C” word

18. The Notorious V-A-G (obviously a shout out to a bad one night stand)

19. Nappy Dugout

20. Down Belows

21. Noonie (thank GOD we have the Woomba to take care of it!)

22. Lady Parts

23. Who-Who

24. Privates

25. Pee-Pee

Feel free to tell me what I missed.

How is it remotely possible that people find it embarrassing to say vagina when there are animal and food names being used instead?

And contrary to popular notion, there are no parts of my body that have an exoskeleton or look like a cat….in fact there is nothing resembling teeth at all down there.

As for The Girl, she would prefer that everyone cease to use all food references.

Immediately.

Let’s just get it together and put the corresponding name with the corresponding body part and call it a day.

I know that my Girl will be a whole lot happier for it.